I’m going to try to get back into the swing of blogging again. It’s been a ridiculously long time since my last post- what, about October? So I have lots to fill you in on.
First and foremost- the IVF worked! Tim and I are happily expecting a Little Pebble around mid-June next year. We’re absolutely thrilled to pieces- and we’ve had so many thoughts over the last few months, it will be impossible to catch them all here. Where do I start? I guess the beginning is a good place.
Before we officially found out, I cheated and took a Pee-test. Positive! My friend Sam and I went out to celebrate since Tim was traveling. I think that was the last meal I ate without feeling sick, though. I have had some of the worst morning sickness. And forget the misnomer- there’s nothing ‘morning’ about my sickness. It was all day, everyday, day and night. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night to run to the toilet. Gosh- I can’t imagine it now because I’m on an anti-nausea medication. But for the first few weeks, I was nauseous all the time. At first it was just plain nausea. Then it turned into gagging. Then it became full-blown vomiting. I’m a pro at vomiting now- did you know that your stomach is a timeline of what you eat? I thought that once it got down there, the stomach just churned it all up into soup. But nope- it’s like a layer cake, with the most recent meal coming up first! Heck, I was vomiting water!
All this sickness actually caused me to sink into a deep depression- I’m sure all the new hormones rushing through my body didn’t help either. But that’s why I stopped blogging. I could talk about it on the blog because I didn’t want to share the news until after the first trimester. With my history, I just didn’t want to jinx it. And on came the depression.
Now my normal depression is like a familiar monster. I recognize it when it comes- I get angry and sullen, I retreat from the worlds and want to eat and comfort myself. But this was a whole new kind of depression I didn’t recognize. I didn’t want to eat, heck- I couldn’t eat. I didn’t want to sleep or hide or do anything. I wasn’t angry, I was just numb. If you can imagine a super foggy day where the world seems to disappear into a cloud- that is kindof how I felt. For weeks.
I talked to my therapist about this- so I had help. And when I went to my fist official OB visit (after I graduated from the Fertility Clinic on week 8), I told him about it. He prescribed the anti-nausea meds, and it was like a veil was lifted. All of a sudden, I could eat. I wasn’t starving, I wasn’t afraid of food, and I just felt like myself again. It’s amazing to me to look back at that time and see the difference in myself. I LOVE modern medicine.
Now I’ve still had some ‘break-through’ moments when the meds just didn’t work, or when I took it too late and then threw is up with everything else in my stomach. I’ve worked with my docs to increase the dose a bit, so the frequency has become more manageable. Those nauseous times have become fewer and farther apart so that now (week 16) I only have about 2-3 events a week. Did I mention that I LOVE modern medicine?
Well, that’s probably enough words to cross your eyes- and I (fortunately) don’t have any pictures to share about this topic. But I do have some cool progress shots of the Little Pebble:
Next ultrasound we find out the sex- only 4 more weeks of calling it “it”.